Staying Close as You Say Goodbye

helpinghandThe energies are rattling pell mell through the universe and change is everywhere. Can you relate? In my life, the gods have made it perfectly clear through circumstance and intuition that there are some significant long-term relationships in my life, both professional and personal, that call for conclusion.

For assorted reasons, it’s time to wrap up. I — and hopefully, we – need to look inside the treasure box of our respective relationship, review the highlights — be it lessons learned, progress made, steep hills climbed, moments shared, feelings felt — and say goodbye to what has been for many years. And whatever the circumstance, the bottom line is that it had been good or we wouldn’t have stay connected for so many years.

That said, my soul has spoken. It is time for me to take action, which, I believe, will serve all of us in the long run. However, at this moment in time, it can be challenging, even when I am the one cutting the cord. My aim is never to hurt anyone. Yet, with the conviction of my soul, I am steadfast in the certainty of my decisions, but, admittedly, some days are easier than others.

A psychologist pal of mine shared this bit of wisdom from the one of the major players in the world of psychoanalysis. She thought it might help my letting-go blues and she was right.

It will be easier for both of us if we stay close as we say goodbye.

The concept seems antithetical, doesn’t it? It’s a paradox of parting. How can you stay close when you are moving apart? But, as I sat with these words, I realized they speak to a mindful, compassionate way of working with transparency and trust, finding common ground of understanding, being respectful and loving towards one another as we end our respective relationship. And doesn’t that feel right when you know it’s time to end a relationship with a person dear to you?


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9 Responses to Staying Close as You Say Goodbye

  1. Adele Ryan McDowell January 26, 2016 at 7:22 pm #

    Thank you, Cheyenne, for your great response. I so agree. I especially love “Choosing to say ‘see you later’ and drifting apart is always a new adventure.” You are so right: onward to new adventures. Much love.

  2. Adele Ryan McDowell January 26, 2016 at 7:15 pm #

    Dear Ones,

    I have received a number of phone calls and emails today asking if this post meant I was closing my practice. Please know, I AM NOT CLOSING MY PRACTICE! This was not my intent or sub-text. My apologies if I rattled you.

    Much love to all, Adele…still wearing her therapist hat

  3. Cheyenne January 26, 2016 at 6:57 pm #

    I feel we cross everybody’s path for a reason. Sometimes paths cross for short periods of time and other times we mingle along the path until we branch off to new paths. Be it because of fate, or the Gods’ will, our paths will, or will not, cross again. Choosing to say ‘see you later’ and drifting apart is always a new adventure.

    Wishing you the best and sending you good juju, Adele. Xx

  4. Adele Ryan McDowell January 26, 2016 at 6:54 pm #

    Thank you, dear Na’ama, for your well-considered and most thoughtful response. This is such an excellent and greatly appreciated addition to my words. You’re the best! Much, much love.

  5. Na'ama January 26, 2016 at 11:39 am #

    Important, yes. … I have been finding myself saying some goodbyes, too, fairly recently, as life increased the vector between me and some others, or ‘circumstances’ let me know that what worked before is no longer needed, or is no longer as it was and doesn’t need to be placed on life-support …
    Not always easy, especially as the ‘other side’ may not always see things in the same way, which can bring up abandonment and its reflection–guilt.

    At times, I think, goodbye is just another word for ‘change,’ not necessarily a complete 180 or moving away, but rather a reorganization of connection and expectation. Friendships shift, needs shift, energies shift, realities shift; and with them the way a relationship moves and flows. Not all goodbyes are permanent or even about actually parting. I find that some “goodbyes” are more about adjusting what a relationship means or how it is attended to. Sometimes the distance (geographical, psychological, emotional, whatever) becomes too great for continued hand-holding. At other times both parties grew enough to accommodate a wider heart-span … and so the ‘goodbye’ is more to the old relationship than to the connection; and the shift may be more about shifting awareness to the change than actual good-bye’ing.

    Either way, it is an important path to note … for sometimes we all lug around some relationships that are long-expired, and sometimes we need to call it a goodbye. Other times, we can call it a different kind of hello, or a recognizing that what was before, is not quite different, and still good in its new way, or even better.

    My love to you, in your goodbyes, hellos, and tender partings and adjusting.

  6. Adele Ryan McDowell January 26, 2016 at 7:04 am #

    Thanks, dear Adrienne. xx

  7. adrienne January 26, 2016 at 6:52 am #

    very thoughtful and interesting

  8. Adele Ryan McDowell January 25, 2016 at 8:19 pm #

    I think endings are hard. I think change is hard as well. We get comfortable and used to things. Sometimes the universe remind us that we need to shake things up and open the connection.

    That said, I agree with you that the attachment issues with being unmothered or motherless certainly influence how we come together and break apart. How could it not when the original connection was missing or lacking.
    Love you. Love your thinking.

  9. laura January 25, 2016 at 7:46 pm #

    Oh my, there you go again touching my heart. I wonder is the un mothered among us who find letting go and saying good bye so hard. We hate so to hurt others. Because we were hurt, or because we feel we were un mothered because we hurt them, did something wrong. Because thier leaving us seemed so wrong and we don’t want to do the same thing. I don’t know. But, breaking up is hard to do. I hope they say good bye with love and care. I hope they hold all that was good in thier heart and someday pass this way again.